Problems with dating

Hi everyone,

Below are the notes for our last lesson on relationships. For those who couldn't come, do try to fill up your worksheets with the answers below. Reflect. I know that many of us call ourselves Christians but when it's time to submit to God's will, it's not easy for us. Being in a relationship is one huge way to show if we truly want to follow God's will or our own.

As we continue this somewhat tough study on dating, ask yourself this: Do you really think God wants you to be dating NOW? Why? I can't answer it for you. You have to be convicted yourself. There is also no point in appreciating and enjoying the whole relationship study if you do not let it transform you. Most important, seek to please God with every single action and decision you make. Being a Christian may not be easy but... hey... it's more than worth it.

The Problem with Dating

1. Dating skips the friendship stage of a relationship.
One-on-one dating tends to move a boy and girl towards romance too quickly. In true friendship, you don't feel pressured by knowing you “like” the person and the other person “likes” you back and you are free to be yourself and do the things you like. In dating, the focus is on mutual attraction . (I'm attracted to you, so let's get to know each other) Friendship is focused on 2 people enjoying common interests together. If romantic attraction forms after developing a real friendship, that's an added bonus.

2. Dating often mistakes intimacy for love.
This intimacy here could refer to both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. When 2 people start sharing more intimate secrets, this bond they form can be mistaken as love. Many couple mistakenly measure the seriousness of their relationship by how physical they are. Often, holding hands, kissing and other physical involvement make them think they're in love.

3. Dating isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
Dating is about 2 people focusing on each other. Everyone else fades into the background. The couple tends to isolate itself from people who have been loving and supporting them. When we allow 1 relationship to crowd others out, we lose perspective. Proverbs 15:22. If we start making decisions about life based only on the influence of 1 relationship, we will make poor judgements They can sometimes get so blinded that they stop taking advice from others when it goes against what they're doing as a couple. They give up maintaining their previous friendships and eventually if they break up, they find themselves more lonely than ever.

4. Dating can distract us from our primary responsibilities.
Dating can distract us from our current responsibilities like studying and serving God. It can hinder us from developing our God-given skills and abilities, character, education and more. Many times, the ups and downs or in the relationships leave us feeling too bitter/upset/emo to concentrate on whatever we're supposed to be doing or learning.

5. Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating a person's character.
When dating, couples tend to put on a front. They charm each other by acting seemingly perfect but never show their negative points. You don't get a chance to see the person in his natural state. A guy can pay for dinner and be funny but who knows how his real character is like. They need to see each other in real life setting of family and friends. How does the other person treat his/her parents and siblings? How do they respond in negative situations. Often, the true traits only show up late in the dating game and by then, the couple is too emotionally entangled to break up.

6. Dating often becomes an end in itself.
Many people date without a goal in mind. Dating becomes the final goal. This is why dating couples hate when the word “marriage” is raised. Some people are routine daters and they break up just before things get too serious. Without marriage as an ultimate goal, dating is just for the fun of it. It is selfish, unloving and unpleasing to God.

Why we shouldn't start dating too young?

1. Emotions are harder to control
You should be more aware by now, teen-hood seems to be one non-stop emotional roller coaster ride. Small problems are magnified 100 times. A small comment someone makes can leave you feeling emo the whole day. (Ask Marcus) Being in a relationship when you're emotionally unstable is dangerous. You can't control the way you feel. It could distract you greatly. Breaking up could seem like the end of the world. You are emotionally incapable of making correct decisions as we will let our emotions do the talking.

2. It's more difficult not to get physical
Often, as a couple knows each other longer and longer, it gets harder to not get physical. If you start dating at 16, by the time you're 18, you'll be wanting more physical intimacy which can't be fulfilled until marriage. Physical desires are awakened that neither person can justly meet. Further more, it's more difficult for younger couples to fight against temptation because they make lack the maturity and wisdom to do so.

3. It's hard to have marriage as a goal because it's too far away
The whole point of being in a romantic relationship is to explore the possibility for marriage. Are you ready to be a husband or wife? If you're too young to consider that, you shouldn't start dating as it would be for the wrong reasons. Since we are called to glorify God in all aspects of our lives, we shouldn't be dating if it doesn't glorify him. A good gauge is to consider the possibility of getting married within 4 years of being in a relationship. If you can't see that happening. You shouldn't be dating.